When I published Mending the Shattered Mirror: A Journey of Recovery from Abusive Therapy, I chose to include an email so that readers could contact me. I had no idea how this decision was going to impact my life.
I am honored every time I hear from a reader, and listen with empathy and understanding to the often horrific details of the abuse they have suffered at the hands of their therapist. Sometimes, I am still shocked by what I hear. Usually, however, it confirms the truth I have come to understand: behind closed doors, unethical therapists secretly subject their patients to heinous and cruel treatment that shatters and destroys the victims lives, souls, and realities.
My abusive therapist, a wolf in sheep's clothing, has left a wound in my heart that will never be truly healed. I have done the hard work of recovery and live a joyful and triumphant life, but always, always I carry the scars of those years of confusion and torment. 
I welcome the communications from my beloved readers and carry their stories with compassion and gently understanding. Sometimes I correspond with those who reach out to me and we grieve together the shared tragedy of betrayal and deception that we suffered. I strive to help them understand that there can be victory and that joy is possible.  
We live in a strange world, those of us who are survivors of abuse . . . a world of recovery, strength and growth . . . hopefully, but never of true freedom. 

Blog 6 – The ABC’s of Therapy
 

• A – Actions! Actions DO NOT speak louder than words! Words, words, word, it’s what therapy is all about,
• B – Believing! Believe in yourself and your ability to heal. Do not put your belief in the magical powers of the therapist.
• C – Caring! A caring warm therapist will keep the space safe for you.
• D – Discussion! You can talk about something just as long as you need to. You cannot say too much.
• E – Empathy! Empathy on the therapist’s part is extremely important. If she seems dismissive of your feelings, LEAVE!
• F – Finances! Finances should be open and clear between therapist and patient. Everything should be in writing and mutually agreeable.
• G – Gifts! Gifts are a no-no in therapy. Neither patient or therapist should give or receive presents.
• H – Hearing! If you believe your therapist is not hearing you, say it again! Insist on being heard!
• I – Irrational! You are allowed to be!
• J – Judgement! The therapist should never make you feel judged or ridiculed for anything you think or say. Therapy is the one place you should be able to say exactly what you think, or feel, without judgement.
• K – Kindness! Kindness does not mean the therapist will always agree with you, however, even in disagreeing, she must be kind about it.
• L – Laughter! Embrace laughter and light moments between you and your therapist. Both you and she are real people. Laughter can bring relief in heavy moments.
• M – Money! Do I need to say it again? Everything clear and open, and in writing!
• N – Narrate! You get to tell your own story. You are the authority on you.
• O – Opinion! You also have the right to your own opinion! Do you see a theme here?
• P – Patience! Your therapist should always be patient with you. Therapy should happen on your schedule, not the therapist’s schedule. Take all the time you need!
• Q – Questions! Never be afraid to ask questions. If something doesn’t seem right, or you don’t understand something … ask for clarification, as many time as you need to. You have a right to know! Don’t be afraid to get a second opinion if something seems wrong.
• R – Respect! Your therapist should always show you respect! If you feel disrespected, say something! If it doesn’t end, leave!
• S – Space! The therapist’s office should be a safe, nurturing space. If they don’t care enough to keep the space clean and attractive, it speaks volumes about how much they value you.
• T – Truth! Always speak the truth and expect truth in return. Often a therapist will refrain from telling you what they are thinking, but they should never, ever say something that isn’t true.
• U – Unity! You and the therapist should discuss goals for your therapy and there should always be a unity of purpose between you.
• V – Veracity! Because I can’t say, too often, how important it is that the therapist be honest and truthful in everything they do in therapy. You must be able to trust them!
• W – Wisdom! Hopefully!
• X – eXit … what you should do if any of these ABC’s are in question!!
• Y – Yak! Well, you try and think of something for Y!
• Z – Zebra! I don’t want the Yak to be lonely!
  

How Can Victims of Abuse
by Mental Health Therapists, Overcome Shame?
By Guest Blogger ~ 
Dr. Susan Penfold 
 
Victims of abuse by mental health therapists usually face a vastly unequal playing field when they decide to make a complaint to a registration board, contact the police, or pursue a civil suit. It is all too easy for the therapist, and their allies, to claim that the victim is emotionally disturbed or a vindictive liar trying to remove the therapist’s livelihood. Many victims do not even consider these avenues but keep their abuse secret, never mention it to anyone.
 
Why does this happen? One reason, is the power of shame to silence victims, blocking their emotions, preventing or slowing their healing, and protecting the mental health professional.
Gary Schoener, lead author of the ground-breaking book, Psychotherapists’ Sexual Involvement with Clients: Intervention and Prevention, has aptly commented,
​                     “Shame is the gift that goes on giving.”
 
Shame is not the same as guilt.
Guilt is defined as … “an action or omission … a failure of duty, delinquency, offence, crime or sin.”
Shame is described as … “a painful emotion arising from something dishonoring, ridiculous, or indecorous in one’s conduct or circumstances, or of being in a situation which offends one’s modesty or decency.”
 
My shame silenced me for years.
The truth of the sexual abuse by my psychiatrist lay buried in some deep, dark corner of my mind that I tried not to think about. When it erupted, painfully, from time to time, I castigated myself and thought: “How could I let it happen … how stupid … I should have known better … I ignored all the clues … gave him unlimited power … always did what he told me … idolized him … was afraid to challenge him … felt I was special and that he cared about me … let him hurt me again and again … betrayed my husband … took time from my kids … what an idiot!”
 
I tried to rationalize it.
I told myself that the therapy was mostly helpful, largely positive, and that the sex was just an accident! I was afraid to tell anyone about it, fearing they would think I was crazy, shamelessly seductive, or immensely stupid.
 
When I started to talk, the shame lessened.
My shame was finally challenged by my second therapist. A soft-spoken woman psychologist, she was eventually driven, by my rationalizations and various excuses, to stand up and say loudly and firmly “Sue—until you realize that you are a victim, we are never going to get anywhere with this.”
 
Blaming the Abuser!
Something shifted, and I began to fully recognize that I had been duped, used, exploited and terribly hurt. If anyone should have felt shame and self-blame it was my abuser, not me. Righteous anger was a much more energizing emotion and I gradually found the courage to disclose more and more, and eventually write a book that incorporated my experiences.
 
 
Analie’s response ~ Thank you, Sue, for sharing the wisdom you have gained from the painful experience of abuse from a mental health professional.  As a survivor of therapy abuse, I certainly understand what you have said about the power of shame, and I am glad you found the courage to place the guilt and the blame where it belonged … on your abuser!
  
I take three important truths from what you have shared …
   1.  Recognize that you have been abused—duped, used, exploited and terribly hurt; this is not an easy thing to do. However, if anyone should feel shame, it is the abuser, not you!
   2.  Use righteous anger as a tool for energizing your emotions. Find the courage to disclose more information to family, friends and subsequent therapists. Speak!
    3.   Find avenues to express yourself: journal, artwork, music … or write a book! Do not let shame keep you silent. 
 
Dr. P Susan Penfold, author of Sexual Abuse by Health Professionals: A Personal Search for Meaning and Healing, is a Professor Emerita of the Department of Psychiatry at University of British Columbia.
Sue is the author of three books and 75 professional articles. She currently volunteers as a Responder for TELL. All the Tell Volunteers have been emotionally and/or sexually abused themselves, and provide information and support to victims of therapy abuse via email.
Sue currently enjoys a variety of outdoor activities and lives on the coast of Western Canada with her son and his cat.

     Do you believe abuse within mental health therapy really does happens?
     
 Abuse is Therapy, a Painful Secret   
​     Once, a friend of mine, who had been abused in therapy, was sitting in a group of volunteers. They were discussing the assets available to them to support at-risk children. The director of the group said they should remember that there were many therapists available to call upon in times of crisis. She went on to say that the help of a therapist was a wonderful thing, and how therapist always had good motives and were valuable authorities.
    
The Courage to Speak
​     My friend, hearing these words, became internally upset and despite great trepidation, raised her hand to speak. She told the group leader that while she agreed the help of a mental health therapist could indeed be a very good thing, it was important to realize that not all therapists were competent or well-motivated.    

​     The director was stunned by her words, but asked her what she meant. My friend, in a soft and uncertain voice, told the group a little of her experience of being emotionally abused by a misdirected therapist.
    
Speaking Enables Others to Tell their Story
​     The group grew quiet, and then one by one, many of them told their own stories of mistreatment by a mental health therapist. As my friend described it to me, it was as if they had all been holding these stories as secrets, fearing no one would hear or believe them.
     Some of the incidents relayed, wherein minor boundary violations had caused such personal pain for the victim, were told with embarrassment and guilt. They had felt silly and too sensitive in experiencing the emotional turmoil they did over what had happened. Other stories were shocking in their details, leaving the victim internally scarred.

Fear Silences
​     As the group talked, they all realized how fearful most of us are to speak out when something happens that causes confusion and hurt at the hands of a professional mental health care provider. 

Abusive therapists are not the norm!
​     There are many wonderful, ethical therapist who give life-changing support to their patients,. However, when a mental health professional crosses the boundaries that keep therapy safe for the patient, it can be devastating. I think of it as being on a wild roller coaster and noticing a loose bolt! Sure, it may be just one little loose bolt, but you have put your very life on the line, and you need EVERY bolt to be tight and secure! Even if the ride ends without disaster, your personal experience was most likely intense insecurity and fear, and an overwhelming feeling of desperation.

​Importance of Ethical Boundaries 
     Within therapy, we put our emotional selves on the line and trust that the therapist will always keep us completely safe. Ethical boundaries are not the window dressing of good therapy, they are the much-needed nuts and bolts!
​

     When I tell people that I was emotionally abused in therapy, they often react with surprise and confusion. Abuse by a mental health counselor therapist simply does not fit our idea of what therapy is all about. But it does happen, and when it does occur, it leaves the victim shattered.
​
     According to The Exploitation Link Line, TELL, they receive about 40,000 contacts from people with concerns about abuse in therapy annually. Obviously, this type of abuse is more common than you think.

     The patient goes into therapy needing help and support. They are vulnerable, and trust the therapist to help them. This relationship, unlike almost any other professional relationship, takes place in complete privacy. So, when the therapist becomes abusive, there is no witness or documentation. 

Abuse can include the following:

• Refusing to talk about a specific topic, even though the patient wishes to discuss it.
• Blatant abuse of authority by making statements like, “I am the doctor. I know what is best.”
• Advising the patient to avoid relationships with family and friends.
• The therapist telling the patient “I love you.” 
• Interacting with the patient outside of the office.

    
     Often, if the patient complains, or speaks to the abuse, the all-powerful therapist will apply labels, such as Borderline Personality Disorder, that nullifies the patient's perceptions and silences their voice. Even internally, the victim begins to doubt themselves and their reality.

     After a five-year abusive relationship with a therapist, I felt as if I simply did not exist. Finally, able to leave the abusive relationship, in desperation I made the difficult decision to reach out to another therapist for help.

     This new therapist told me she would have to take a couple of weeks to think about my story and whether she believed me. When she finally made the decision to "risk" taking me on as a patient, she told me would be watching my body language to see if it was congruent with what I was saying. If it wasn't, she would stop seeing me.

​     I was so internally nonexistent, I didn't even comprehend I didn't deserve to be treated this way.
At long last, I do understand. I have done the hard work of reclaiming myself and my soul. I wrote Mending the Shattered Mirror to tell the story of what being abused in therapy really means. I have a voice! I wanted to give a voice to all the victims of abuse in a relationship of unequal power. Most of all, I want to be heard by mental health practitioners. I want them to hear me, I want them to believe me, and I want them to understand.
 
     I truly believe most therapists are good, caring, ethical professionals who would never intentionally harm the people who come to see them. However, even minor boundary violations can have traumatic consequences for the patient.

    My story is written from the patient's perspective and reveals how very vulnerable and fragile we are within therapy, and how extremely important clear, ethical boundaries are to keep the space safe for those who seek out the help of a therapist.
​

​  I Needed to Tell my Story!
​     Writing Mending the Shattered Mirror (MTSM) was a life-changing experience for me.  As a person diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), commonly referred to as Multiple Personality Disorder, the book chronicles my very difficult journey out of life-threatening despair after I was betrayed and abused by a beloved mental health therapist. As I grew stronger, and regained a sense of my own good self, I realized I needed to tell my story about abuse in the mental health system, and others needed to hear it.

Therapy Exploitation Link Line - TELL
          I was not alone in my recovery. I had the great blessing of connecting with Laurie Steiner, a retired psychiatrist who had also been abused in therapy. I met her when I sought assistance from The Exploitation Link Line, TELL. We lived thousands of miles apart, but corresponded daily through email.  As I looked back at those emails I realized there was a remarkable documentation of my struggle to recover. The idea of putting those emails into book form became a singular goal that took over my life for 4½ years.

​A Labor of Love
          Of course, there were times when I was tempted to walk away from writing MTSM, but it was a labor of love and I always went back. As I re-experienced the anguish of those early days, and lived through the day by day growth, I came to understand, at a very deep level, the horrific reality of abuse by a therapist.

 Shocking Number of People Abused in Therapy        
​     Thousands of people are abused in mental health therapy each year. TELL reports 40,000 people contact them with concerns about abuse in therapy. Victims of emotional abuse in therapy feel as if they have no voice. The mental health counselor, psychiatrist, or psychologist has the assumption of being competent and caring. When a patient seeks therapy for emotional distress or mental illness, she is perceived as broken. It is an unequal relationship that happens in complete privacy.

​Most Therapist are Ethical ... but
     I truly believe that most therapists are good, ethical, and caring professionals. However, therapists must always be open to listening, and trying to understand, the experience of the patients with whom they work. I hope that therapists will open their minds and hearts to MTSM and that it will serve as a clear and compelling voice within the patient/doctor dialogue, as well as the mental health community. Perhaps they will read my story and understand the consequences of even small boundary violations.