The Power of Shame

How Can Victims of Abuse
by Mental Health Therapists, Overcome Shame?
By Guest Blogger ~ 
Dr. Susan Penfold 
 
Victims of abuse by mental health therapists usually face a vastly unequal playing field when they decide to make a complaint to a registration board, contact the police, or pursue a civil suit. It is all too easy for the therapist, and their allies, to claim that the victim is emotionally disturbed or a vindictive liar trying to remove the therapist’s livelihood. Many victims do not even consider these avenues but keep their abuse secret, never mention it to anyone.
 
Why does this happen? One reason, is the power of shame to silence victims, blocking their emotions, preventing or slowing their healing, and protecting the mental health professional.
Gary Schoener, lead author of the ground-breaking book, Psychotherapists’ Sexual Involvement with Clients: Intervention and Prevention, has aptly commented,
​                     “Shame is the gift that goes on giving.”
 
Shame is not the same as guilt.
Guilt is defined as … “an action or omission … a failure of duty, delinquency, offence, crime or sin.”
Shame is described as … “a painful emotion arising from something dishonoring, ridiculous, or indecorous in one’s conduct or circumstances, or of being in a situation which offends one’s modesty or decency.”
 
My shame silenced me for years.
The truth of the sexual abuse by my psychiatrist lay buried in some deep, dark corner of my mind that I tried not to think about. When it erupted, painfully, from time to time, I castigated myself and thought: “How could I let it happen … how stupid … I should have known better … I ignored all the clues … gave him unlimited power … always did what he told me … idolized him … was afraid to challenge him … felt I was special and that he cared about me … let him hurt me again and again … betrayed my husband … took time from my kids … what an idiot!”
 
I tried to rationalize it.
I told myself that the therapy was mostly helpful, largely positive, and that the sex was just an accident! I was afraid to tell anyone about it, fearing they would think I was crazy, shamelessly seductive, or immensely stupid.
 
When I started to talk, the shame lessened.
My shame was finally challenged by my second therapist. A soft-spoken woman psychologist, she was eventually driven, by my rationalizations and various excuses, to stand up and say loudly and firmly “Sue—until you realize that you are a victim, we are never going to get anywhere with this.”
 
Blaming the Abuser!
Something shifted, and I began to fully recognize that I had been duped, used, exploited and terribly hurt. If anyone should have felt shame and self-blame it was my abuser, not me. Righteous anger was a much more energizing emotion and I gradually found the courage to disclose more and more, and eventually write a book that incorporated my experiences.
 
 
Analie’s response ~ Thank you, Sue, for sharing the wisdom you have gained from the painful experience of abuse from a mental health professional.  As a survivor of therapy abuse, I certainly understand what you have said about the power of shame, and I am glad you found the courage to place the guilt and the blame where it belonged … on your abuser!
  
I take three important truths from what you have shared …
   1.  Recognize that you have been abused—duped, used, exploited and terribly hurt; this is not an easy thing to do. However, if anyone should feel shame, it is the abuser, not you!
   2.  Use righteous anger as a tool for energizing your emotions. Find the courage to disclose more information to family, friends and subsequent therapists. Speak!
    3.   Find avenues to express yourself: journal, artwork, music … or write a book! Do not let shame keep you silent. 
 
Dr. P Susan Penfold, author of Sexual Abuse by Health Professionals: A Personal Search for Meaning and Healing, is a Professor Emerita of the Department of Psychiatry at University of British Columbia.
Sue is the author of three books and 75 professional articles. She currently volunteers as a Responder for TELL. All the Tell Volunteers have been emotionally and/or sexually abused themselves, and provide information and support to victims of therapy abuse via email.
Sue currently enjoys a variety of outdoor activities and lives on the coast of Western Canada with her son and his cat.

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