Blog Archives

Patient's Responsibility

5/31/2017

As the patient, you are responsible to pay your bill and show up for scheduled appointments. That is it! The therapy session is about you, and only you: your thoughts, fears, confusions, feelings, wants, hopes, and goals. You do not need to worry about the therapist’s feelings, or how you are affecting her. If she/he does something that makes you uncomfortable, say something! The therapist must keep the space safe for you … speak up, no matter how silly it may seem, or insignificant … speak!

You are the Expert on You
     There are things the patient can do to make therapy more productive. As much as possible speak to what is happening in the moment for you, even if it is just to say you don’t know what to say. Listen actively to what the therapist is saying, and respond with your true reaction and thoughts. Do not assume the therapist knows more about you than you do! You are the expert, so again, speak up! The therapist cannot read your mind. Only through your continued effort of explaining yourself can true communication and growth happen.

Feelings are never wrong.
     You very likely will start to feel a deep connection and fondness for your therapist. You may even begin to love her/him. That is normal and nothing to feel ashamed about. You can express these feelings to your therapist, or not, as you feel comfortable. Your therapist may not express what their feelings are about you! That is not to say they can’t say kind, positive things to you about how they perceive you. That is about you, not about them. Their feelings about you must not enter into this relationship.

Touch is too Complicated in Therapy
     Touch interrupts the very important work of talk therapy. Touch takes the relationship to a level that is not healthy. Touch, because it is non-verbal, can lead to misunderstanding and confusion. The therapist is not a permanent person in your life. If there is a physical connection, it makes the eventual forever parting much harder. Also, once given, the withholding of touch is felt as rejection. Touch within therapy is too complicated and dangerous.

Seek Help
     If you feel there is something happening in therapy that is not right, seek help. There are wonderful online support groups that off support to anyone feeling uncomfortable or unsafe in therapy. Reach out, advocate for yourself. Remember: therapy is about you, you are the expert on you, the therapist’s feelings are not to be considered within this relationship, never ignore something that makes you feel uncomfortable.
       (An excellent support recourse is TELL: The Therapy Exploitation Link Line.-   therapyabuse.org )

Respect for Good, Ethical Boundaries
     With a good, ethical mental health therapist, you can find help and healing for the hurt and pain that sometimes falls on each of us. Therapy is a tool for you to use. The therapist is there for you, you are not there for the therapist. If these are the boundaries that are respected, therapy can be a great blessing and lead to self-discovery and healing.

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I Have a Question

5/26/2017

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     Do you believe abuse within mental health therapy really does happens?

Abuse is Therapy, a Painful Secret
     Once, a friend of mine, who had been abused in therapy, was sitting in a group of volunteers. They were discussing the assets available to them to support at-risk children. The director of the group said they should remember that there were many therapists available to call upon in times of crisis. She went on to say that the help of a therapist was a wonderful thing, and how therapist always had good motives and were valuable authorities.

The Courage to Speak
     My friend, hearing these words, became internally upset and despite great trepidation, raised her hand to speak. She told the group leader that while she agreed the help of a mental health therapist could indeed be a very good thing, it was important to realize that not all therapists were competent or well-motivated.

     The director was stunned by her words, but asked her what she meant. My friend, in a soft and uncertain voice, told the group a little of her experience of being emotionally abused by a misdirected therapist.

Speaking Enables Others to Tell their Story
     The group grew quiet, and then one by one, many of them told their own stories of mistreatment by a mental health therapist. As my friend described it to me, it was as if they had all been holding these stories as secrets, fearing no one would hear or believe them.
     Some of the incidents relayed, wherein minor boundary violations had caused such personal pain for the victim, were told with embarrassment and guilt. They had felt silly and too sensitive in experiencing the emotional turmoil they did over what had happened. Other stories were shocking in their details, leaving the victim internally scarred.

Fear Silences
     As the group talked, they all realized how fearful most of us are to speak out when something happens that causes confusion and hurt at the hands of a professional mental health care provider.

Abusive therapists are not the norm!
     There are many wonderful, ethical therapist who give life-changing support to their patients,. However, when a mental health professional crosses the boundaries that keep therapy safe for the patient, it can be devastating. I think of it as being on a wild roller coaster and noticing a loose bolt! Sure, it may be just one little loose bolt, but you have put your very life on the line, and you need EVERY bolt to be tight and secure! Even if the ride ends without disaster, your personal experience was most likely intense insecurity and fear, and an overwhelming feeling of desperation.

Importance of Ethical Boundaries
     Within therapy, we put our emotional selves on the line and trust that the therapist will always keep us completely safe. Ethical boundaries are not the window dressing of good therapy, they are the much-needed nuts and bolts!

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Abuse in Mental Health Therapy DOES Happen!

5/15/2017

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     When I tell people that I was emotionally abused in therapy, they often react with surprise and confusion. Abuse by a mental health counselor therapist simply does not fit our idea of what therapy is all about. But it does happen, and when it does occur, it leaves the victim shattered.

     According to The Exploitation Link Line, TELL, they receive about 40,000 contacts from people with concerns about abuse in therapy annually. Obviously, this type of abuse is more common than you think.

     The patient goes into therapy needing help and support. They are vulnerable, and trust the therapist to help them. This relationship, unlike almost any other professional relationship, takes place in complete privacy. So, when the therapist becomes abusive, there is no witness or documentation.

Abuse can include the following:

Refusing to talk about a specific topic, even though the patient wishes to discuss it.
Blatant abuse of authority by making statements like, “I am the doctor. I know what is best.”
Advising the patient to avoid relationships with family and friends.
The therapist telling the patient “I love you.”
Interacting with the patient outside of the office.

     Often, if the patient complains, or speaks to the abuse, the all-powerful therapist will apply labels, such as Borderline Personality Disorder, that nullifies the patient's perceptions and silences their voice. Even internally, the victim begins to doubt themselves and their reality.

     After a five-year abusive relationship with a therapist, I felt as if I simply did not exist. Finally, able to leave the abusive relationship, in desperation I made the difficult decision to reach out to another therapist for help.

     This new therapist told me she would have to take a couple of weeks to think about my story and whether she believed me. When she finally made the decision to "risk" taking me on as a patient, she told me would be watching my body language to see if it was congruent with what I was saying. If it wasn't, she would stop seeing me.

     I was so internally nonexistent, I didn't even comprehend I didn't deserve to be treated this way.
At long last, I do understand. I have done the hard work of reclaiming myself and my soul. I wrote Mending the Shattered Mirror to tell the story of what being abused in therapy really means. I have a voice! I wanted to give a voice to all the victims of abuse in a relationship of unequal power. Most of all, I want to be heard by mental health practitioners. I want them to hear me, I want them to believe me, and I want them to understand.

     I truly believe most therapists are good, caring, ethical professionals who would never intentionally harm the people who come to see them. However, even minor boundary violations can have traumatic consequences for the patient.

    My story is written from the patient's perspective and reveals how very vulnerable and fragile we are within therapy, and how extremely important clear, ethical boundaries are to keep the space safe for those who seek out the help of a therapist.

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Why I Wrote Mending the Shattered Mirror

5/15/2017

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  I Needed to Tell my Story!
     Writing Mending the Shattered Mirror (MTSM) was a life-changing experience for me. As a person diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), commonly referred to as Multiple Personality Disorder, the book chronicles my very difficult journey out of life-threatening despair after I was betrayed and abused by a beloved mental health therapist. As I grew stronger, and regained a sense of my own good self, I realized I needed to tell my story about abuse in the mental health system, and others needed to hear it.

Therapy Exploitation Link Line - TELL
          I was not alone in my recovery. I had the great blessing of connecting with Laurie Steiner, a retired psychiatrist who had also been abused in therapy. I met her when I sought assistance from The Exploitation Link Line, TELL. We lived thousands of miles apart, but corresponded daily through email. As I looked back at those emails I realized there was a remarkable documentation of my struggle to recover. The idea of putting those emails into book form became a singular goal that took over my life for 4½ years.

A Labor of Love
          Of course, there were times when I was tempted to walk away from writing MTSM, but it was a labor of love and I always went back. As I re-experienced the anguish of those early days, and lived through the day by day growth, I came to understand, at a very deep level, the horrific reality of abuse by a therapist.

Shocking Number of People Abused in Therapy
     Thousands of people are abused in mental health therapy each year. TELL reports 40,000 people contact them with concerns about abuse in therapy. Victims of emotional abuse in therapy feel as if they have no voice. The mental health counselor, psychiatrist, or psychologist has the assumption of being competent and caring. When a patient seeks therapy for emotional distress or mental illness, she is perceived as broken. It is an unequal relationship that happens in complete privacy.

Most Therapist are Ethical ... but
     I truly believe that most therapists are good, ethical, and caring professionals. However, therapists must always be open to listening, and trying to understand, the experience of the patients with whom they work. I hope that therapists will open their minds and hearts to MTSM and that it will serve as a clear and compelling voice within the patient/doctor dialogue, as well as the mental health community. Perhaps they will read my story and understand the consequences of even small boundary violations.

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Patient's Responsibility

I Have a Question

Abuse in Mental Health Therapy DOES Happen!

Why I Wrote Mending the Shattered Mirror

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